mental illness

Debilitating Perturbation

“And all of a sudden I felt really tired. Like the world had drained me for everything that I had.” (bgt)

anxiety picture

Everyone has some anxiety in one way or another. The college student that is in finales will most likely have anxiety and nervousness about her/his upcoming tests. The first day of a new job or the first day of school may cause most people to have anxiety. That type of anxiety is healthy, it keeps us going and gives us a sense of accomplishment when done. Debilitating Anxiety however, isn’t healthy. I can only tell you how I experience debilitating anxiety. Physically, my hands and feet sweat puddles, my feet will literally slide of my sandal from them sweating. I get flushed, my heart beats a million miles an hour, I start to feel like my whole body is over heating, I get migraines from anxiety, sometimes my body aches for no reason. Mentally, If I’m not busy, my mind starts over thinking,over analyzing. My thoughts become dark and not to tear anyone apart in any way, only to tear me apart. The darkness in my brain engulfs me with thoughts of not being worthy, my mind forgave the people who left my side, but it never forgave me for what my mind was telling me, which was that I must have done something or something in me wasn’t worthy of them staying. Simple things cause anxiety for me, making calls and talking on the phone gives me anxiety, meeting new people gives me anxiety. My anxiety is debilitating at times in so many ways. It has such a power to affect the ones I love. I’m hoping to one day fully mend the pain that my anxiety has caused myself and my loved ones. For now, I’m trying to enjoy the journey of finally putting my mental health first. Self Care is one thing in my life that won’t be put on the back burner again.

12 thoughts on “Debilitating Perturbation”

  1. Great post. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety last year. If I wasn’t that my doctor discussed anxiety in great detail, I wouldn’t have guessed what I was living with was anxiety. I also get anxiety over many situations as you mentioned, from going or even thinking I may have to go grocery shopping to making an appointment to see my doctor. I am now on a daily dose of medication and have therapy. It’s been working great so far. Thank you for sharing your journey with anxiety.

    Like

    1. Yessss!! The grocery store for me is a trigger, making appointments, calling my kids school. I also agree that had it not been for my son, there would have been no way that I would know that what I was dealing with is anxiety.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, all those things are difficult for me too. How do the everyday things just get to be so hard for me to do?! I’m so glad you found out about yours. It’s always best to know, regardless of how we feel about the diagnosis.

        Like

  2. Love this.. I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression for a while now and is taking medication. So I definitely understand how it can take a complete toll over your life. Staying positive and focused on me and my babies is why I keep pushing. God has been by my side through it all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that your babies motivate you, I feel the same about mine. We are not alone in this battle there are others like us that understand and if my blog can at least bring us all together in a positive way, it will mean all the best. Thank you for reading and commenting ☺️

      Like

  3. What a freeing moment it is to decide to take care of it. And a journey it is to get to the point where it does not rule every aspect of every hour of your life. It feels empowering. Every little victory you have. So kudos to you for beginning your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s