mental illness

Postpartum Depression I

“Mothers cannot give from a depleted source. Every mother needs emotional, mental, physical and spiritual validation, nourishment and support. When a mother is respected and well cared for, she, and her whole family, will benefit.”

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I think this has been the post I’ve mostly put off. There is a lot of things that happened, that it scares me a bit to see it typed out. This was a time for me where I didn’t know how strong I could be until I had no other choice.

When my first daughter was born, I was 19. I instantly fell in love with the idea of having a little person of my own, so I wouldn’t feel so lonely. My pregnancy wasn’t planned or meant “to trap” anyone. I used every method possible to prevent from becoming pregnant, but nonetheless she came and she brightened my world. Soon after I gave birth to her, her and I  had a bit of trouble breast-feeding. I eventually started feeling as if I wasn’t worthy enough of being her Mom. She was so sweet and hardly ever gave me trouble. 2 weeks after birth she started having some respiratory problems. After fighting with every Dr. possible, we got an RSV diagnosis. My mind, being what it is, also blamed me.

Before she was born, I dealt with all my in-laws, and friends of in-laws tell everyone I knew and everyone that they knew, and basically anyone who cared to hear, that I had “trapped” my child’s father by getting pregnant with my daughter, and that my daughter was probably not even his. I think that their rumors, made me feel horrible not for myself but for my daughter because I knew that one day this would affect her. I eventually decided to work things out with her father having faith that the rumors would all just go away. I was still suffering from postpartum depression but would fill my time with as much work as I could. I eventually had a huge blow out with my mom because my parents didn’t agree with letting my daughter see her father because of all the shit they where talking and lying about. I felt like it was unfair for my daughter to be away from her father. So I was then kicked out of my parents house. I stayed with a friend for a day and then moved into my in-laws house with their father. My in-laws, eventually told us they didn’t want us there so we had to leave. I then decided to rent our own apartment with her dad. That apartment I would eventually loose. Her father was so attached to his family, that even though my daughter was his and he knew it, I wasn’t getting any support from him. I was working, going to school and coming home to my little girl just in time to watch the 11pm teletubbies. After a huge fight and her father not coming home, eventually he left. I also blamed myself. Now, I wasn’t just suffering from postpartum disorder but I also felt completely alone, but I had her, and she helped that loneliness. I decided that her and I would do it alone and we would succeed, because regardless of what her family said and thought, I knew we had a heart of gold and that, no one could touch. About 2 months after all this, I would find out that I was pregnant again with my second child, of course from my same first child’s father.

To be continued…….

To: Hailee

“Yeah I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now. But hey, what’d Momma always tell you? Straighten up, little soldier, stiffen up that upper lip! What you cryin’ about? You got me.

48 thoughts on “Postpartum Depression I”

  1. Your post is so touching and honestly! You are such a strong person and your daughter is lucky to have you as her mom..congratulations! For your second pregnancy and be positive in your life, always 😊

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for being so open and sharing your experience. It’s very honest, I can relate to the postpartum depression. You’re very strong and your children are fortunate to have such a strong role model.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. What a touching post. I only recently discovered that my mom had postpartum depression after giving birth to me, because I stumbled into her journal from 20 years ago. Postpartum depression affects many women, I’ve heard, but it’s a wonder how people never quite seem to get it. You’re a strong mom!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Your strength to write about this just shows what kind of person you are, no wonder your avitar name is adi’s wings because you are truly an Angel. The struggles you went through and the fact that you stayed strong for you and your daughter makes you a super mom and your daughter is a great beacon of light. Congratulations on your journey thus far and continue to walk the road of assent. Live life as if the odds are in your favor lovely.🌹❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve been caring around the pain of it all for so long, that I felt like it was time to write about it and begin healing. Thank you for your sweet words, and for taking the time to read my story.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Adi, I noticed you are following my blog and I appreciate that. I am sad to read about your distress. Thank you for trusting us to share it with you. I hope you continue to find joy in your sweet little baby, she is lucky to have a mom who loves her so much.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You can do this! You can can overcome these obstacles. Now that you are a parent, focus on your children and keep on loving them. Put them first.
    This is a great post and it hit me in my heart. Women are strong and mothers are stronger. You got this! Keep your head up and know that you are doing the most important job in the world (being a mom).

    Liked by 2 people

  6. You’ve done it tough. Yet your love for your children shines through. I’ve come by to thank you for following my blog and am delighted to find a strong, courageous and resilient person here 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I like your honesty and ability to express who you blamed yourself for the negative people in your life. The circumstances of having a baby don’t matter once pregnant, your focus is taking care of yourself and creating a calm environment to bring the baby into. It’s a shame you didn’t get the support from either family. Hopefully this had made you stronger, I pray the postpartum symptoms have passed. You are strong, life won’t be easy tasing a child alone but women are doing it everyday and being very successful at the balls you have to juggle.
    I wish you the best. I’m here, msandorm@verizon.net anytime you need to talk.
    I also look forward to a follow up post, your post are read often on Survivors Blog Here.
    Take good care. 🙂

    Like

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