A person that has been raised to earn their keep in their humble mind could never understand a user until they have been used by one.
At the age of 18 my compassion allowed me to step in and help someone who at the time was a friend, help with his daughter. Initially I volunteered as a babysitter, after witnessing a teenage pregnancy gone wrong and loving a child way too much to watch her toxic parents drag her from one toxic situation and one toxic relationship to another. The scenarios those two paraded around where repulsive and ridiculous to say the least. Everything from the mother being involved in pool orgies, to the father begging her to open the door for the child in the middle of winter, to her cheating and leaving him for his best friend and him ending up drunk on the street in the middle of the night to him bringing any and all women he picked up to her and tell her to call them Mom. Toxic isn’t even the word.
I fell in love with being there for that little girl. In the process, I got pregnant myself. Now stuck in between repulsive wounded adult behavior, while trying to raise and love 2 little girls at the age of 20.
Narcissist don’t love themselves or anyone, anyone in their lives are used as supply. I didn’t have much but I had a car, a career and a roof over my head and that was enough to attract a leech.
I grew tired of the bullshit the moment I told him I was pregnant and he told me to get rid of her. I went no contact and wanted nothing to do with anyone with that ignorant mentality, but at the time, I was so young and I didn’t understand how mental illness and addictions work. I went no contact and he started stalking me, heavy gang stalking, following me at work in the middle of the night, my dad had to run him off multiple times. He would usually make his move and attack if my dad was out of town or not around. Abusers will do their best to attack and intimidate when they know there’s no one there to defend you or believe you and after seeing him parent my children and reading court paperwork and hearing their stories now that three of them are safe, that was his favorite method of abuse. Do things to them when no one was watching, then call them liars when they finally spoke about it. That behavior is repulsive to experience in what should be a grown man.
His addictions to alcohol, cocaine, crystal, and heroin, always kept us broke no matter how much I worked. His sex addictions with both women and men he worked with, kept him in drama and stealing from employers. He always made up some disease, some pain, some accident, while stealing from every employer. Everytime I got fed up and left he would take my car, or one of the kids or like a straight up toxic girlfriend, not leave the damn roof over my head that I paid for and he leeches off of. Oh and he still had the nerve to gossip and act like he was with me because of our kids. Turns out everyone understood who the leech was and the one with the mental illness, we just all accepted him and had compassion for him. That is a dangerous game to play with someone that ungrateful. The mental illness got the best of him and his drug use allowed him to believe his own lies.
When I decided to get married, it was because they guilt tripped me about how he always bleed from his rectum and didn’t like visiting Dr. so Lord forbid anything happened to him I would have a say in any medical decision, since he and his toxic family where always fighting each other on and off social media while they stalk and gossip about each other. He would scare everyone and tell them he might have cancer, but I knew it was from all the same sex he was having, with friends he called brothers and compadres. However, they had a point, his reckless life might leave him in a bad state one day and although I didn’t agree with his lifestyle and his secrets, I understood his wounded masculinity, he had me financially bound and my babies where little, plus, truth is a double edge sword and the truth is that, I was so trauma bonded, that I believed I was in love and I believed at the time that love should tolerate it all to be loyal. Yes! trauma bonds are real and they will have your judgement clouded.
Not only did his reckless behavior make us lose our home, he wouldn’t pay bills, there where so many times where he would take my money I earned and spend it on his drug and sex addictions and leave us with no electricity, no gas, no insurance, no food. A true coward is one that not only spends his money on his addictions but also takes from his child’s mother to prevent her from moving on because she never truly wanted to be with him. During the marriage, his messy behavior left us with no cars after he didn’t pay our insurance, and he sold our daughters car promising her a trip for her birthday she never got to go on. We lost our home and he left us in debt with every utility company you can think of. We also lost friends because he would lie to them, borrow money and never use it on us and never pay them back. His toxic behavior, addictions and gossip prevented him from holding down employment. We where on check systems from he extended false checks and overdrafted accounts.
The last home in Fontana lost, and after watching him lie and do a good friend of his dirty by lying, I was so disgusted by his behavior that I was done, I wanted nothing to do with him. He then started with his attention seeking toxic feminine behavior. Stealing from me, the revenge porn, sending shoes for other women to the house we stayed in, gossiping, the true definition of a coward. I was glad to be done with that joke of a human being.
3 years later, he still can’t heal all that hate he carries. He is now facing charges for stalking after finding his emails linked to my accounts. Identity Theft charges, after he attached his criminal record to mine and him and his new girlfriend opened fraudulent phone accounts under my name, they took out pay day loans to pay for his crooked lawyer, he fraudulently reported our kids on his taxes when I have full custody and he’s in the middle of facing domestic violence and abuse and neglect charges. He still can’t move on and focus on himself and the wounded feminine that also stalks me, gossips, lies and puts on a fake show on social media while all his side pieces comment and heart his pictures. Narcissist always keep their supplies handy while the one that supports him looks goofy thinking he’s miraculously changed without any therapy or deep healing.As for me, I have found angels that are helping me stay safe and resolve all this nonsense while I rest and heal. God promises to spin the block and get justice for me, and I’m so incredibly glad, he finally found someone just like him to keep him and bring him his karma. You have to be very wounded to allow a man to not start a new story with you because he’s so stuck in his past, and hide you and deny you too. I wish them both healing and I gladly take my Crown and my Wings back and praise the Lord, I am free at last! It has been a tough road and I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I have the gift of a new life. Healing is possible.